Monday, May 3, 2010

Finishing My Grandmother's Afghan

Last week my aunt, Karen, gave me a box full of knitted squares. These were done by her mother, whom we often called "Flo Baby," and a few other relatives. The project had started a few years ago when Karen saw an afghan in a magazine. The project was put aside when Flo was diagnosed with cancer and later passed away. The box sat for a couple years in storage.

With me starting Joe d'Arc Crochet, my step-mother, Marla and Karen sister, suggested I should be able to finish piecing together the squares. I spent the last week completing the project and delivered the finished project to Karen yesterday evening.

Working on this project has been an interesting experience for me. It has given me a sense of connecting with Flo after her passing as well as connecting with my aunt, Karen. It seemed especially appropriate to finish this project over this past week as all of Flo's daughters, all converts to the LDS church, did her temple work. I even did some of the work while sitting in the temple waiting room as they went through the sealing session.

No other project has given me such a profound sense of accomplishment as this one has.

Reviewing the Past In Light of the Present

Blogging has definitely become less of a priority for me. Another month has passed by without a post. I've had a number of things I've thought about writing about. However, it just doesn't seem like something I need to do so much. As I said before, I tend to write more when I'm down and negative. The past month has been one of continued, general improvement. At the moment I can say my general feelings of well-being and mental heath are the best they have been in at least five years. All this has made me wonder about what I have written on this blog in the past.

I started this blog as a way of trying to vent and deal with issues I had over the past couple years when I was in a poor state of mental health. As I read over past entries I can easily see the high level of general anxiety I was under during that time. However, I cannot think of much, if anything, I would change about what I wrote. Perhaps some subtle aspects of tone would change if I were to (re)write them now. One great validation to myself in reviewing these old posts is the ability I retained, despite the anxiety, of being able to still hear my internal voice of reason.

Over the past while I have had the experience of associating with and/or dealing with people who had no internal check on reason and rationality. As much as I have suffered in my own problems and condition I at least have been blessed to keep contact with at least some small part of my mind that tells me "This isn't rational." I'm so grateful for it, I have started to cry as I write this.