Back to Blogging

It has been over two months since my last post. The situation of my life made it a little difficult to comfortably sit down and write about what has been going on. There is something about using a computer that isn't one's own that just leaves one feeling not quite right about writing. (I realize it's kind of silly, especially since this gets openly published for the world to see.)

Over the past two months my general situation has notably improved. I feel very good about the level of care I am receiving and the competence of those administering it. Perhaps that is the other reason I haven't been blogging much: I feel more like writing when I'm down and negative. I got with a new nurse practitioner with Weber Human Services to monitor and manage my medications. We have things at a level that I feel is the best I've been in the last 2-3 years.

I am still unemployed. I have been looking, but with the market and economy as it is the cards seem stacked against me. I have started with a new Voc Rehab counselor here in Weber county. She admitted that it will be difficult for me as I have a rather choppy work history (the longest I've held a job over the past decade was a couple months short of two years). In the mean time I am still working on trying to get either SSI or SSDI coverage so I can take care of living expenses. However, I was told it would take around six months for a decision to be made about qualifying.

Probably the biggest piece of news in my life over the past few months is the small business I'm trying to get started selling my crochet work. I named it Joe d'Arc Crochet after my online alias (I also think Joe d'Arc is a little bit more marketable than Ryan Hollist).



I opened a store front on Etsy.com back in December and have listed the items I could from what materials I have available. So far it has been very slow, but some have shown interest. Just a couple weeks ago I decided to make as serious an effort as I can with this business. I made a basic flyer showing some of the work I've done and even made a Facebook fan page. I also contacted some local stores to see if they would be willing to sell some of my work on consignment. Last week the store manager of Cahoots (an LGBT themed novelty store in Salt Lake) said she would like to see my work and talk about selling some of my work. Other than that, it has been difficult trying to get things started. I've used what material I have and turned around the money I got from the couples sales I've had to replenish supplies. However, it is difficult trying to get any kind of business going when one has almost no capital to invest.

I have much more to write about, but I will put it in a separate post.

New Meds and a New Attitude

This week I met with a nurse practitioner to take a look at my medications. I didn't go to my usual psychiatrist as he is unavailable due to medical issues of his own and Voc Rehab is covering me meeting with this nurse practitioner. We decided to try changing my medications as the current ones--Effexor and Strattera--no longer seem to be working well. Effexor, with the neurotransmitters it affects, may even be contributing to my heightened general anxiety issues. I was a bit concerned, however, about changing medications as I had just finally gotten my medications fully covered for free through programs for low income people. Normally, out of pocket cost for my Effexor alone was almost $300 per month. I did a basic Google search on my new medications; Citalopram, Clonazepam, and Trazodone; and estimated the cost for filling all three would be around $250. I was very surprised when I went to the pharmacy last night and only had to pay $17.88 for all of it. As I was expecting to pay a lot, for a moment when the pharmacist told me the total came to "seventeen eighty-eight" I thought she meant $1,788.

Going off old medications and starting new ones is always quite the roller coaster ride. When I went off St. John's Wort on my mission before starting Effexor, I dealt with muscle weakness and even a moment of suicidal thoughts. This time around, as I get to go off old medications while going on new ones at the same time, the results seem to be much more positive. After only one day I'm feeling much more calm; things aren't annoying me, or at least not causing me crazy levels of anxiety; and I'm even smiling and laughing. I don't know how long this new attitude will last. I think it will calm down a bit in a few weeks, as is normal. Hopefully, though, I will be able to function again and either go back to school or find a job. Also, for now, I'm in much more of a mood to read and write again, instead of just sitting in front of the TV or wasting time on Facebook. On the bad side of effects of the switch is the slipping of my equilibrium when I stand up, an increased appetite, and sleeping much more deeply than is normal. At least I'm feeling very rested when I wake up.

Open Letter In Thanks to Keith Olbermann for His Special Comment on Health Care

Dear Keith Olbermann,

I feel deeply impressed to write to you and let you know how grateful I am for your program long special comment on health care. I have cried all evening thinking of your personal experiences of dealing with your father's illness and the pain of those left to suffer because of the failings of the current medical system. Being one of the latter, I am particularly moved by the passion of your care and concern for others and your willingness to put your resources to affecting real reform for the better.

I have lived my entire life with chronic clinical depression. Although I have been able to receive good care with medications and counseling I often am still left in a debilitated condition by it as neither my family or myself have been able to afford the time and money to monitor and treat my condition to the extent it sometimes requires. It has even been difficult when I was able to have medical coverage from my employer. The past two years have been especially difficult as my depression was severely exacerbated by the development of a hypothyroid condition. I was rendered so unable to function I had to withdraw from school, have been unable to work, and even ended up in the Emergency Room due to suicidal feelings. To add another mark against the current system, I waited in the ER for over four hours to speak to a Crisis Worker only to be turned away with no assistance as I was not yet actively engaged in harming myself or others and still being billed over five hundred dollars. Despite the severity of my condition I tried, unsuccessfully and with what felt like Herculean effort, to find work so I could take care of my needs. Having gone from full-time student to simply unemployed has left me only financially able to barely cover the most basic needs of my condition--or I should say left me dependent on the meager financial assistance my family has been able to provide me. Even the hypothyroid condition went undetected for over a year and a half. I have been lucky, somewhat, to receive assistance from some charitable and community programs. I am trying to receive Medicaid, but being a man with no dependents leaves me in a difficult position where I have spent nearly three months of paperwork trying to prove my condition is serious enough to warrant receiving any care.

Over the past months I have watch the coverage of the protests by "deathers" and other people who have abandoned reason and moral sensibility over the issue of health care reform. I have been dismayed at the lengths and levels the insurance industry lobbyists have gone over this issue. I am disturbed by the way many members of Congress have gone about opposing reform holding capitalism and corporate profits over the well being of American citizens. It may go without saying, the levels of deception, hysteria, and incivility in recent political rhetoric has left me despairing that I will have an opportunity for full proper care of my condition and realize my full potential as a contributing member of society, instead of just settling for basic treatment that only leaves me just on this side of the divide between sanity and self-destruction.

Again, thank you, Keith, for your work. Although what you often report on your show upsets me, your passion to see the world a better place for everyone, publicly call out the charlatans influencing our social systems, and speak truth to insanity gives me hope for the future.

Sincerely,
Ryan Hollist