Dear Utah (and US) job market (and general society):
I quit.
I no longer wish to deal with your expectations as they tear at my psyche and leave me feeling worthless and unwanted. I am not "highly energetic," "upbeat," or "outgoing." I do not multitask, answer phones, or "enjoy" trying to help the proudly mindless masses. I do not own a car, let alone have a driver's license--nor do I see myself getting them anytime in my future. I refuse to be marked down and treated as inefficient due to the flaws in your own systems and/or the failings of others. I am not willing to drop the care and management of my medical needs for the sake of your arbitrary hours of operation.
I am a highly focused, intelligent, efficient person. I practically thrive off of tedium. I enjoy organizing, thinking, and working at my own pace. I am melancholy in personality, but that does not mean I am unpleasant. I prefer to understand what I am doing and how it works with the larger process rather than just going at my part by rote.
Please contact me when you are willing to work with my capabilities and no longer demanding what I cannot give or do.
Sincerely,
Ryan R. Hollist
Showing posts with label open letter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label open letter. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Open Letter In Thanks to Keith Olbermann for His Special Comment on Health Care
Dear Keith Olbermann,
I feel deeply impressed to write to you and let you know how grateful I am for your program long special comment on health care. I have cried all evening thinking of your personal experiences of dealing with your father's illness and the pain of those left to suffer because of the failings of the current medical system. Being one of the latter, I am particularly moved by the passion of your care and concern for others and your willingness to put your resources to affecting real reform for the better.
I have lived my entire life with chronic clinical depression. Although I have been able to receive good care with medications and counseling I often am still left in a debilitated condition by it as neither my family or myself have been able to afford the time and money to monitor and treat my condition to the extent it sometimes requires. It has even been difficult when I was able to have medical coverage from my employer. The past two years have been especially difficult as my depression was severely exacerbated by the development of a hypothyroid condition. I was rendered so unable to function I had to withdraw from school, have been unable to work, and even ended up in the Emergency Room due to suicidal feelings. To add another mark against the current system, I waited in the ER for over four hours to speak to a Crisis Worker only to be turned away with no assistance as I was not yet actively engaged in harming myself or others and still being billed over five hundred dollars. Despite the severity of my condition I tried, unsuccessfully and with what felt like Herculean effort, to find work so I could take care of my needs. Having gone from full-time student to simply unemployed has left me only financially able to barely cover the most basic needs of my condition--or I should say left me dependent on the meager financial assistance my family has been able to provide me. Even the hypothyroid condition went undetected for over a year and a half. I have been lucky, somewhat, to receive assistance from some charitable and community programs. I am trying to receive Medicaid, but being a man with no dependents leaves me in a difficult position where I have spent nearly three months of paperwork trying to prove my condition is serious enough to warrant receiving any care.
Over the past months I have watch the coverage of the protests by "deathers" and other people who have abandoned reason and moral sensibility over the issue of health care reform. I have been dismayed at the lengths and levels the insurance industry lobbyists have gone over this issue. I am disturbed by the way many members of Congress have gone about opposing reform holding capitalism and corporate profits over the well being of American citizens. It may go without saying, the levels of deception, hysteria, and incivility in recent political rhetoric has left me despairing that I will have an opportunity for full proper care of my condition and realize my full potential as a contributing member of society, instead of just settling for basic treatment that only leaves me just on this side of the divide between sanity and self-destruction.
Again, thank you, Keith, for your work. Although what you often report on your show upsets me, your passion to see the world a better place for everyone, publicly call out the charlatans influencing our social systems, and speak truth to insanity gives me hope for the future.
Sincerely,
Ryan Hollist
I feel deeply impressed to write to you and let you know how grateful I am for your program long special comment on health care. I have cried all evening thinking of your personal experiences of dealing with your father's illness and the pain of those left to suffer because of the failings of the current medical system. Being one of the latter, I am particularly moved by the passion of your care and concern for others and your willingness to put your resources to affecting real reform for the better.
I have lived my entire life with chronic clinical depression. Although I have been able to receive good care with medications and counseling I often am still left in a debilitated condition by it as neither my family or myself have been able to afford the time and money to monitor and treat my condition to the extent it sometimes requires. It has even been difficult when I was able to have medical coverage from my employer. The past two years have been especially difficult as my depression was severely exacerbated by the development of a hypothyroid condition. I was rendered so unable to function I had to withdraw from school, have been unable to work, and even ended up in the Emergency Room due to suicidal feelings. To add another mark against the current system, I waited in the ER for over four hours to speak to a Crisis Worker only to be turned away with no assistance as I was not yet actively engaged in harming myself or others and still being billed over five hundred dollars. Despite the severity of my condition I tried, unsuccessfully and with what felt like Herculean effort, to find work so I could take care of my needs. Having gone from full-time student to simply unemployed has left me only financially able to barely cover the most basic needs of my condition--or I should say left me dependent on the meager financial assistance my family has been able to provide me. Even the hypothyroid condition went undetected for over a year and a half. I have been lucky, somewhat, to receive assistance from some charitable and community programs. I am trying to receive Medicaid, but being a man with no dependents leaves me in a difficult position where I have spent nearly three months of paperwork trying to prove my condition is serious enough to warrant receiving any care.
Over the past months I have watch the coverage of the protests by "deathers" and other people who have abandoned reason and moral sensibility over the issue of health care reform. I have been dismayed at the lengths and levels the insurance industry lobbyists have gone over this issue. I am disturbed by the way many members of Congress have gone about opposing reform holding capitalism and corporate profits over the well being of American citizens. It may go without saying, the levels of deception, hysteria, and incivility in recent political rhetoric has left me despairing that I will have an opportunity for full proper care of my condition and realize my full potential as a contributing member of society, instead of just settling for basic treatment that only leaves me just on this side of the divide between sanity and self-destruction.
Again, thank you, Keith, for your work. Although what you often report on your show upsets me, your passion to see the world a better place for everyone, publicly call out the charlatans influencing our social systems, and speak truth to insanity gives me hope for the future.
Sincerely,
Ryan Hollist
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Proposed Op-ed Letter Re: Gayle Ruzicka & Common Ground Bills
January 27, 2009, the first of a group of bills known as the “Common Ground” bills was heard, debated, and defeated in committee. I am disappointed this Wrongful Death bill was put down so quickly. However, I am more deeply disturbed by the tone and rhetoric some took in the debate over the issue.
At the committee hearing Gayle Ruzicka testified against the entire “Common Ground” bills, not just this first bill. Her rhetoric, as usual, was intensely conservative and inflammatory. “It is the same liberal people who support gay rights that also support the killing of unborn children,” she said. Are we truly to believe that any extension of civil rights to the LGBT people is also to remove any and all restraint on abortion? I, for one, do not fit this simplistic definition of one who supports gay rights.
Ms. Ruzicka’s rhetoric, lumping pro-abortion and pro-gay rights into one, reminds me of a similar comment. In 2006 a member of the First Quorum of the Seventy spoke at my LDS Stake Conference. During his talk he mentioned a time when he was asked why the LDS church opposed abortion and homosexuality. His response, “We oppose same-sex marriage and abortion because if everyone practiced them the entire human race would be destroyed in a single generation.” Although technically true, the “if” of this argument is so grossly absurd I would laugh were it not for the fact many have taken it to be very likely, even to the point of being a prophetic warning. I made sure to face and question the Elder in person on using the argument directly after the meeting.
And so I must ask Gayle Ruzicka, Sen. Chris Buttars (who headed the committee), and any others who hatefully and fearfully oppose anything with even the whiff of gay rights: is this what you fear? Do you truly believe in some apocalyptic implosion of human society should any of these rights be extended? I do not ask rhetorically either. I want to know directly from them. I want to hear from you, and I do not want the scripted talking points in response. I do not want the absurd, broad stroked simplicity that has dominated the public discourse on this issue. I want to hear it truthfully and sincerely. I want you to look deep inside and tell me what it is that causes you such fear that festers into so much anger.
I am very tired of dealing with people like Gayle Ruzicka and Sen. Chris Buttars. I am tired of their use of absurd logic, twisted arguments, and outright lies to influence civil policy. I am tired of those who accept such distorted discourse as truth. Mostly, I am tired of all the fighting that must be done so decent, productive people may live in this world without fear of abuse and harm. I can no longer hold a clear conscience without calling people like these out on their fallacious ideas and destructive philosophies. I and too many others have been harmed too much for too long to allow it to continue.
At the committee hearing Gayle Ruzicka testified against the entire “Common Ground” bills, not just this first bill. Her rhetoric, as usual, was intensely conservative and inflammatory. “It is the same liberal people who support gay rights that also support the killing of unborn children,” she said. Are we truly to believe that any extension of civil rights to the LGBT people is also to remove any and all restraint on abortion? I, for one, do not fit this simplistic definition of one who supports gay rights.
Ms. Ruzicka’s rhetoric, lumping pro-abortion and pro-gay rights into one, reminds me of a similar comment. In 2006 a member of the First Quorum of the Seventy spoke at my LDS Stake Conference. During his talk he mentioned a time when he was asked why the LDS church opposed abortion and homosexuality. His response, “We oppose same-sex marriage and abortion because if everyone practiced them the entire human race would be destroyed in a single generation.” Although technically true, the “if” of this argument is so grossly absurd I would laugh were it not for the fact many have taken it to be very likely, even to the point of being a prophetic warning. I made sure to face and question the Elder in person on using the argument directly after the meeting.
And so I must ask Gayle Ruzicka, Sen. Chris Buttars (who headed the committee), and any others who hatefully and fearfully oppose anything with even the whiff of gay rights: is this what you fear? Do you truly believe in some apocalyptic implosion of human society should any of these rights be extended? I do not ask rhetorically either. I want to know directly from them. I want to hear from you, and I do not want the scripted talking points in response. I do not want the absurd, broad stroked simplicity that has dominated the public discourse on this issue. I want to hear it truthfully and sincerely. I want you to look deep inside and tell me what it is that causes you such fear that festers into so much anger.
I am very tired of dealing with people like Gayle Ruzicka and Sen. Chris Buttars. I am tired of their use of absurd logic, twisted arguments, and outright lies to influence civil policy. I am tired of those who accept such distorted discourse as truth. Mostly, I am tired of all the fighting that must be done so decent, productive people may live in this world without fear of abuse and harm. I can no longer hold a clear conscience without calling people like these out on their fallacious ideas and destructive philosophies. I and too many others have been harmed too much for too long to allow it to continue.
Friday, January 16, 2009
An Open Letter To Family, Friends, Etc.
Dear Relatives and Friends,
I cannot properly express the amount of time I have spent in contemplation, heartache, and prayer so I may write this letter in accordance to the Holy Spirit and so you may also be open to what I write. I know some of you will not receive this as I intend it. However, I feel an overwhelming drive to at least try and give an opportunity for proper communication; my conscience will not allow me to do otherwise.
Nearly ten years ago I came out as a gay man. In the time since I have struggled to find my way through life in relationship to society in general, my LDS upbringing, and with you collectively and individually. I thank those of you who have been supportive and worked to actually hear me and understand what I have done in my life. For those who have been dismissive, I only hope one day you will open up to truly hearing me.
I have already written much in regard to my sexuality, especially in relation to the LDS Church and my personal relationship with the Savior. This latter relationship in particular has been a difficult point for many of you to understand. Many people have tried to gently call me to repentance by saying things like, “I just want you to remember your Primary days … you ARE a Child of God. I know that and I hope you will always remember that,” or telling me all I need to do is accept Jesus Christ as my Savior to be “cured” of my homosexuality. To those who tell me such things, or want to, I think you perhaps assume too much. I admit the first years of being “out” were spent away from God and the fundamentals I learned in Primary. However, the past few years that has not been the case. So many encourage me to turn to Christ, offering myself entirely to His will, as if I have not already done so.
What I went through was not a simple prayer one day, as some have assumed. I spent days, weeks, months in prayer and fasting. I did everything I could think of to make myself open to the Still Small Voice of the Holy Ghost and be able to hear it clearly. When I received an answer I checked it against everything I had ever learned from the Scriptures, church lessons, Seminary and Institute classes, General Conference talks, anything approved by the Church that was out there to know whether it was right or wrong. I even continued in prayer, fasting, church attendance, and Institute classes after receiving very powerful, direct answers to my prayers to make sure what I experienced was not just a defense mechanism telling me what I wanted to hear, or that it was the product of psychological dysfunction. I have dug deep into my psyche and soul and found layers of understanding most people never even consider. I continue to probe ever deeper and have no desire to stop.
Over the years my spirit has been touched in ways and my mind opened to things I consider too sacred to share here. What I will say is I know God accepts me embracing my homosexuality and even seeking a male partner—“husband”—to share my life with. This is not a carte blanche on my sexual behavior or a statement on how others have dealt with their issues of sexuality and marriage. Also, although my Spiritual experiences have been nearly entirely about what is best for me, part is also the need to discuss this issue with others--e.g., this letter--to open up more dialogue and understanding on both sides of the issue. This is not to say I know all the answers to the questions these answers from the Holy Ghost bring up. Much has yet to be revealed to me, and I doubt all of it will come in this lifetime. What I do know is I have received profound guidance for this life and I cannot turn away from it. As it says in Joseph Smith—History (1:25), “For I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it, neither dared I do it; at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God, and come under condemnation.”
Some have taken the struggles of my life over the past years as evidence of being wrong about my spiritual experiences. The struggles I go through are against those who would have me go against what God has reveled to me by insisting I must do as they think God wants me to do. I am at peace with Heavenly Father and the Savior, not with the world around me. I think it better to struggle against man for the space to do as God has told me is best for me than go against Him to appease those around me. I did it once before, believing those people knew what God wanted. I doubt many of you truly understand what my mission experience was like; I will only say here it nearly cost me my life and my relationship with the Savior.
My desire to write this letter comes from the great difficulty I have experienced over the past year. At the end of 2007 my last Bishop made it very clear I was not welcome in the ward if I was not going to agree with whatever was said at Church meetings. I have mourned the loss of community and Spiritual uplifting I gained from attending. However, I know what my Bishop insisted on would be more damaging to me spiritually than stepping away. Also, the turbulent debates and demonstrations caused by California’s Proposition 8 have left me feeling I live in a world gone mad. Both sides of the argument have overstepped lines and acted less than appropriately. In many ways I feel threatened physically, socially, and spiritually. In regards to the LDS Church, I have been particularly disappointed. Much of what the Church said and posted online officially over their involvement struck me as rather disingenuous and even unethical in their use of arguments and supporting documentation. Over Christmas I got into a very heated debate with an uncle over the issue. Like my uncle, many have tried to defend the Church in its involvement in Proposition 8, or other issues about homosexuality. It quickly becomes apparent they are completely unaware of what has actually been said or has happened over the issue. Some don’t even seem to understand what homosexuality actually is. I strongly ask all of you to take time to educate yourself on the issue*--if not for me then for those you will discuss it with in the future. As Cloy Jenkins writes, “Those who insist on speaking out on homosexuality should first know what they are talking about.”
Sincerely,
Ryan Hollist
* A good source, which covers many of the basic and key issues, is Prologue by Cloy Jenkins, et al.
I cannot properly express the amount of time I have spent in contemplation, heartache, and prayer so I may write this letter in accordance to the Holy Spirit and so you may also be open to what I write. I know some of you will not receive this as I intend it. However, I feel an overwhelming drive to at least try and give an opportunity for proper communication; my conscience will not allow me to do otherwise.
Nearly ten years ago I came out as a gay man. In the time since I have struggled to find my way through life in relationship to society in general, my LDS upbringing, and with you collectively and individually. I thank those of you who have been supportive and worked to actually hear me and understand what I have done in my life. For those who have been dismissive, I only hope one day you will open up to truly hearing me.
I have already written much in regard to my sexuality, especially in relation to the LDS Church and my personal relationship with the Savior. This latter relationship in particular has been a difficult point for many of you to understand. Many people have tried to gently call me to repentance by saying things like, “I just want you to remember your Primary days … you ARE a Child of God. I know that and I hope you will always remember that,” or telling me all I need to do is accept Jesus Christ as my Savior to be “cured” of my homosexuality. To those who tell me such things, or want to, I think you perhaps assume too much. I admit the first years of being “out” were spent away from God and the fundamentals I learned in Primary. However, the past few years that has not been the case. So many encourage me to turn to Christ, offering myself entirely to His will, as if I have not already done so.
What I went through was not a simple prayer one day, as some have assumed. I spent days, weeks, months in prayer and fasting. I did everything I could think of to make myself open to the Still Small Voice of the Holy Ghost and be able to hear it clearly. When I received an answer I checked it against everything I had ever learned from the Scriptures, church lessons, Seminary and Institute classes, General Conference talks, anything approved by the Church that was out there to know whether it was right or wrong. I even continued in prayer, fasting, church attendance, and Institute classes after receiving very powerful, direct answers to my prayers to make sure what I experienced was not just a defense mechanism telling me what I wanted to hear, or that it was the product of psychological dysfunction. I have dug deep into my psyche and soul and found layers of understanding most people never even consider. I continue to probe ever deeper and have no desire to stop.
Over the years my spirit has been touched in ways and my mind opened to things I consider too sacred to share here. What I will say is I know God accepts me embracing my homosexuality and even seeking a male partner—“husband”—to share my life with. This is not a carte blanche on my sexual behavior or a statement on how others have dealt with their issues of sexuality and marriage. Also, although my Spiritual experiences have been nearly entirely about what is best for me, part is also the need to discuss this issue with others--e.g., this letter--to open up more dialogue and understanding on both sides of the issue. This is not to say I know all the answers to the questions these answers from the Holy Ghost bring up. Much has yet to be revealed to me, and I doubt all of it will come in this lifetime. What I do know is I have received profound guidance for this life and I cannot turn away from it. As it says in Joseph Smith—History (1:25), “For I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it, neither dared I do it; at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God, and come under condemnation.”
Some have taken the struggles of my life over the past years as evidence of being wrong about my spiritual experiences. The struggles I go through are against those who would have me go against what God has reveled to me by insisting I must do as they think God wants me to do. I am at peace with Heavenly Father and the Savior, not with the world around me. I think it better to struggle against man for the space to do as God has told me is best for me than go against Him to appease those around me. I did it once before, believing those people knew what God wanted. I doubt many of you truly understand what my mission experience was like; I will only say here it nearly cost me my life and my relationship with the Savior.
My desire to write this letter comes from the great difficulty I have experienced over the past year. At the end of 2007 my last Bishop made it very clear I was not welcome in the ward if I was not going to agree with whatever was said at Church meetings. I have mourned the loss of community and Spiritual uplifting I gained from attending. However, I know what my Bishop insisted on would be more damaging to me spiritually than stepping away. Also, the turbulent debates and demonstrations caused by California’s Proposition 8 have left me feeling I live in a world gone mad. Both sides of the argument have overstepped lines and acted less than appropriately. In many ways I feel threatened physically, socially, and spiritually. In regards to the LDS Church, I have been particularly disappointed. Much of what the Church said and posted online officially over their involvement struck me as rather disingenuous and even unethical in their use of arguments and supporting documentation. Over Christmas I got into a very heated debate with an uncle over the issue. Like my uncle, many have tried to defend the Church in its involvement in Proposition 8, or other issues about homosexuality. It quickly becomes apparent they are completely unaware of what has actually been said or has happened over the issue. Some don’t even seem to understand what homosexuality actually is. I strongly ask all of you to take time to educate yourself on the issue*--if not for me then for those you will discuss it with in the future. As Cloy Jenkins writes, “Those who insist on speaking out on homosexuality should first know what they are talking about.”
Sincerely,
Ryan Hollist
* A good source, which covers many of the basic and key issues, is Prologue by Cloy Jenkins, et al.
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